For a long time, I was obsessed with the size of my penis. Before I had even seen others, I always thought mine was inadequate, even though I gave it plenty of attention—if you know what I mean.
When I finally read about the average size, I entered another phase: I tried measuring it in all kinds of ways. From different angles, using different methods and, of course, always looking for the measurement that gave me the biggest number.
I doubt I’m the only one who has done something like that.
What really matters when we talk about size?
But what actually matters when we talk about size? Length? Thickness? Circumference—the famous girth? Or, as the saying goes, how you use it?
I think that in bed, the more open-minded person has more possibilities. Some of us, like me, are a little more closed off and may not have much to offer right away. That is why I keep trying to learn more and expand my mind, even when it is difficult to fight our own prejudices.
Obviously, an extremely small penis or difficulty getting an erection can create disadvantages for some sexual activities. But what we may lack in one area, we might have in another.
At least in my case, I think I am very affectionate and good at making the other person feel completely at ease. I love cuddling, and I enjoy kissing and touching other people.
I know men who genuinely love giving pleasure, giving oral sex or rimming, and they are very good at it. Too good.
So what I am trying to say is pretty simple: let’s not be guided only by preconceived ideas of what sex is supposed to be. Let’s explore what we like and what we do well.
Sex is much bigger than a penis
A sexual experience can include penetration, but it can also include kissing, hands, mouths, mutual masturbation, frottage, toys, massage, fantasies, touch, conversation, or simply being pressed against another person’s body.
Not everyone wants the same things, and not every encounter has to follow the same script.
For me, an important part of this has been trying to learn. Questioning things I once took for granted, recognizing my own limits and prejudices, and little by little expanding the way I understand intimacy.
Because if we reduce everything to how many inches or centimeters a penis measures, we leave out a large part of what actually happens between two people.
If you’re curious: the average
As a point of reference, the reported average for an erect penis is approximately:
- Length: 13.84 cm — 5.45 inches
- Circumference (girth): 11.91 cm — 4.69 inches
- Equivalent circular diameter: approximately 3.79 cm — 1.49 inches
That diameter is only a mathematical approximation calculated from circumference. A penis is not a perfectly circular cylinder.
And an average is just that: an average. There is variation from person to person, and the figures can change depending on the population studied and the way measurements are taken.
What you see in porn
You will notice that what you see in porn is usually the exception, not the rule.
It is not a good reference for deciding what size is “normal” or enough in real life. If you want to know what is average, it is much more useful to look at data from studied populations than to compare your body with people selected to appear in front of a camera.
So, does size matter?
Yes, it can matter.
Some people have particular preferences, and there are sexual activities in which certain dimensions can make the experience easier, harder, or simply different. There is no reason to pretend that everyone wants exactly the same thing.
But size by itself does not determine whether someone is good in bed, whether they can give pleasure, or whether they can have a satisfying sex life.
What we lack in one area may be somewhere else: in the way we kiss, the way we touch, the way we listen, the way we make the other person feel, how much we enjoy giving pleasure, or how much we allow ourselves to explore.
Let’s not be guided by preconceived ideas of what sex is supposed to be. Let’s explore what we like and what we do well.
Centimeters or inches
In the end, whether we measure in centimeters or inches, a measurement cannot sum up everything a person brings to intimacy.
Feeling secure when you are intimate can be just as important as—or more important than—size.
